So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
