The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize