Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize
