I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
