we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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