just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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