I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Randomize
