he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
