So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize