I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
