Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
