If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
