I'm going to jail i love you
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
