Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
