textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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