The maid of honor just puked.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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