I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
