i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
