you traded sex for a burrito?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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