If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
