Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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