True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize