Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
