Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
