he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i will never coherently bang her
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Randomize