broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He felt like a one man threesome
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
