his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
