I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
