Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
