My Higher Power is John Stamos
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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