Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
