My balls are so social today.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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