getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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