i would punch a child for taco bell
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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