Tell her she can't have a vagina
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
