I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
