i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
