So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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