So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
