I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
