so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
