Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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