I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
