There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
