Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
is wine microwaveable?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
