If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
