She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
