Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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