Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
