His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
