Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize