Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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