I bet he comes in French.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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