She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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