So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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