I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize