Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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