Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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