I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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