You just made me feel so damn special
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
