this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
