He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
