omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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