everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
