I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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