Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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