i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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