Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
