dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
