she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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