So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
