yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
