we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
