Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
