He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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