Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
