Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
should my penis look like a turkey
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
