I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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