i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
