I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
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