I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
